I am quite surprised at how many “philia’s” there really are, and how many of them are quite active in the fetish world. The word, commonly used in Ancient Greece is translated into “friend”, however in today and our definition of it is derived as a “love” or something that makes you feel warm. A passion so to speak, or in this case, something that turns you on, floats your boat, makes you moist and even identifies it as an addiction in some realms.

There are some quite extreme, some with HUGE Eww factors (even for me) and then there are those that we have heard in just passing, but for the most part, ignore.

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– Acousticophilia: Sexual stimulation from sound. Foreign language, music and even moans and groans. All of which is associated with a noise that will turn someone one.

– Acrophilia: I have heard of a fear of heights, but a turn on by them? This particular item is just that, arousal from heights or high altitudes.

– Agalmatophilia: An odd one, I will admit, but not completely a stranger to this. An aroused person looking at a statue or being portrayed as a doll themselves would be classified as an agalmatophiliac.

– Agonophilia: YES! Finally, a ‘philia’ that sits my world afire. Without these people, I would find my job boring and quite unchallenging. A struggle and even down right resisting or identifing with some kind of fight turns these naught boys into perfect vict….er well partners.

– Agoraphilia: Public sex.. Need I say more? But in this day and age, and you are smart, you might find these only lurking in the swing clubs of america.

– Altocalciphilia: A high heel fetish, one I LOVE indulging in!

– Amaurophilia: Pitch black? Eat your heart out and feel your way around with these people. They enjoy only sex in dark places or with a blindfold.

– Arachnephilia: Just the opposite of Arachnaphobia. Yes a Fear of Spiders. Anyone that knows me though, knows that is quite the opposite.

– Asphyxiaphilia: This is quite the edge of the realm. A very dangerous play ideal, but unfortunately, most that suffer from this cannot obtain orgasm without depletion of oxygen. Remember, doing this with a partner you trust is the ONLY option. Autoasphyxiaphilia is extremely dangerous and normally ends up in a fatal consequence.

– Autoassassinophilia: Like playing with death? Then this might just be for you. However, again… BE CAREFUL!

– Automysophilia: I am sure you have heard of the diaper fetish… this comes close but without the diaper. Soiling and defiling oneself is a turn on for these individuals.

– Autonepiophilia:These are commonly referred to as Adult Babies. Everything from baby diapers to pacifiers and even being bottle fed is exciting.

– Autogynephilia: Another term for men and women who enjoy cross-dressing.

– Autonecrophilia: A turn on for some that is very closely related to Agalmatophilia, however these go a bit further and step into the realm of portraying a corpse.

– Autophagy: Ok, I have save the grossest for the last… EWWWW… but it’s true that someone would get some kind of kick out of consuming their own flesh.

Stay tuned for more Philia write ups over the next few weeks and I would very much encourage anyone who feels they can relate to any of these write in and tell me more about why and how it excites them. I am open minded and will not judge, and the best write up might find themselves on a FREE call indulging in their ‘philia’.

To learn more or read more come visit me at my site at www.LadyVelvetNoir.com, or my friends at www.SluttyPhoneGirls.com.

Naughty reader! You thought I was talking about your or your significant other’s package didn’t you?

Try again…this time, it’s referring to predicament bondage.

Not many people understand the terminology so let me give you what Wikipedia gives as a definition:

Predicament bondage is the art of restraining a person by bondage in such a way that there is a limited number of positions in which they can be (usually two). Both of these positions are so uncomfortable or painful that they are forced to shift their weight or position. Upon doing so, they place themselves in the other equally uncomfortable position. The person restrained will try over and over again to find a position that will bring them comfort, but to no avail.

For example, someone may be tied so that they are forced to stand on tiptoes. An attempt to stand with feet flat on the ground means that their genitals, which are also tightly bound, will be pulled. Eventually, the foot muscles will tire, and they will no longer be able to stand on tiptoe.

When I refer to ’size’, I adore giving the decision to the submissive in order to watch them hang themselves (pun intended) after they have made that decision. At that point it’s too late and the fun is already under way.

Typically, most would decide that 6″ is better than 12″ right? In some cases it would be. For instance should it be a 12″ dildo being applied to a submissive male’s tender backside. But in this case, it’s not. 12″ of rope would have been MUCH better than 6″ should the scenario of tieing some testicals to the ceiling hook and they were required to stand on their toes in order not to stretch things to a higher level.

Sometimes predicament bondage can actually entail anything as simple as tieing off rope to one of their body parts, to another. For instance, I had a boy who had a scrotal capture ring piercing. Using that and turning his collar around, I tied off the piercing up through his legs and up to the back of the collar presenting him with almost a bridle affect. This kept him from lowering his head, which in turn would pull on the piercing. On his knees he desired to lower his head and full body but couldn’t and while being single tailed and flogged to a point of flight, he found himself just awake enough to the point where he couldn’t fly totally. I eventually disconnected him and let him fall from grace and fly so hard that he didn’t come back to me for hours. He enjoyed and I so enjoyed the effect it had on him.

Predicament bondage give Me so many aspects and ways to walk that fine line of pleasure and pain and not do much to watch it all take affect. The decisions are normally in the hands of the submissives and see what they can do with the power of choice. MOST of them… find it difficult to know how to play the game from one minute to the next…but what would be the fun in making it easy for them?

There are times when I truly feel that there is a point in time when things are relative. This being definitely one of them. A friend of mine constantly states:

“Perception is reality to those who perceive it.”

Couldn’t be more truthful.

So this morning as I was reading and doing some research the age old questions was approached: IS Phone Sex or Cyber Sex the same as cheating?

Truthfully, I can’t answer that for everyone. For me, no, it’s not. But in truth, the idea that it is cheating is a very real problem for many couples as the internet makes it easier to anonymously access and feed their fetishes. Some may see this behavior as a way of feeding sexual addiction, but at the same time, you have to see things on the realm that what he is doing is safe, secure and healthy. For instance, if he were to identify that he had had a real time encounter, my biggest concern would be regarding the disease factor. At least over the internet, and over a phone, you KNOW that he is being careful about disease and considering your safety and factor as well.

Second, sometimes men (and I know this because I am a real time Domme and phone sex operator in the business for 10+ years) need an outlet that is more than what they feel comfortable with telling someone they love. For instance, maybe he has a fantasy regarding Dominating a woman or even submitting to one, where they feel the activities are too extreme to follow through in real life but will ‘explode’ if they don’t have some kind of outlet. The only way to overcome this ideal is to open up and possibly have some of those taboo discussions with him/her in order to open the gates to more honesty and unreserved conversations. It is completely natural to have these fantasies, and only some will act on them. Some, in turn, feel that the only way to indulge is to do so online or over a phone. Either way, it is a conversation that they are probably having difficulties addressing with you, OR have tried to and found it too un-fulfilling because their partner is not willing to even address it.

On the flip side, Dominating men struggle with the ethical ideal of having that sadistic side to them and know or feel that it is inappropriate to indulge in those tendencies. The ONLY time I feel it is appropriate in a real time environment is when the adults involved are consensual and ONLY then. I do not condone abuse nor do I support it whether it be mental, physical or emotional. However, if done correctly, these types of relationships are the most intense, loving and secure relationships than any ‘normal’ (by society standards) I have ever seen, basing it on a 100% honesty and trust and communication.

Addicts are those who have a tendency to show the following signs:

1. Their addiction is costing them more than they can spend. Whether it be financially, time, or even emotional standing, it does begin to affect all three severely.
2. Addicts will risk ANYTHING to feed their addiction, including health, career, education and all types of relationships;
3. Addicts typically are insistent on feeding their addiction more and more. Meaning that if they started online and after years are just indulging online or over the phone more than likely they will not pursue something in real time. Addicts are normally not content with just online or phone materials to feed their addiction.

Remember, the safety that they feel they have with the World Wide Web or just a phone call is real. They can anonymously confess, enact or just plain have an ear that will listen safely and securely. Don’t judge to harshly what your boyfriend (and what Gillian) is doing. Their might be something lacking (or not) in their lives that they are too embarrassed to convey to their partners. If that is the case, then open the gate for him. Give him just a bit of tolerance and see if you can’t be the focus of his fantasies by doing so.

I am not saying accept their behavior as ultimately you have to do what is right for you. 10 years ago if you had asked me if I would be doing this, I too would baulked at the idea, but since then, I do feel I have not offered a service to those who need a safe way to express themselves, but I have found that become an open minded individual and non-judgmental about people’s taboos (unless it involves innocence of children and animals) has made my life less stressful and I continue to learn a great deal about people, life and human nature.

As a quick note:
If you are craving what you need and online is enough, great, however, if it is not, PLEASE be sure that you find a local group and mentoring situation that makes your search a safe, sane and consensual one. There are far too many predators out there.

Here are some Community resources that might be of interest to you:

http://www.pakratpress.com/sinergy/comunity/groups.htm

http://www.fetbot.com/Links/Lifestyle/Organizations/

http://www.the-crucible.com/groups.htm

I am sure that there are many more good resources out there, so please feel free to send me your resource so I can ad it to my ever growing list of SSC/RACK links.

Lady Velvet Noir

For more information on me, please visit me at www.LadyVelvetNoir.com

Typically most people see BDSM in different light. Just like someone would see a painting, or photograph or even interpret a poem. That holds true for any local community that you might come across. Everyone having their own set of rules but for any intense and purpose, most have standards that are included.

At the risk of sounding cliche’, the first one rings true for pretty much everyone and everywhere:

What happens at a party, munch or gathering, stays there.

To most, that would be a given, but you would be surprised how many have ignored that rule and embarrassed themselves by blabbing about so and so’s attendance at this party THEY were at!? How smart is that?

Another real strong rule that I feel is crucial is that most people, when playing in a group environment SHOULD not only bring their own toys, but maybe someone to use them on?! It is considered a taboo, unless you are handed the implement by the owner, to reach for something that doesn’t belong to you. Which includes, toys AND property. I think of it as the same rule that would apply to a sword, knife or gun. If it’s not yours, don’t touch it, and if you do, be sure you know how to use it effectively because I will consider it a threat on my person and property.

A HUGE rule that I enforce with every bit of Myself is that NO ONE, unless there is a Dungeon Master with the responsibility of doing so, should interrupt or intrude on a scene. I personally have had a submissive in good sub-space and had the individual witnessing the scene touch and attempt to talk to her. Bless her, at which time, she turned and looked at him only to get the words “Shut up! Your fucking up a good buzz.” All I could do is laugh. If you are uncomfortable with what you are witnessing, why stay? Get up and slowly leave the room to see what is comfortable for you.

I hope, and this is just My opinion, that in most cases any illegal or controlled substances are not allowed if play is to take place. I hestitate to even condone playtime should the person be on aspirin, or a glass of wine. I watch closely what the intake is of my partners and will not play should they chose to indulge.

As a whole, basic etiquette for any Nilla party should be put on at any BDSM party. However, remember, Rules between individuals vary so much that there is no way to tell if something is OK to do or discuss without at least inquiring to make sure that you are not promotion the infraction. If you don’t know…..ASK!

And please remember, just because your rules might be different from someone else’s, doesn’t give us the right to judge the way their life is led. This is definitely not a life for closed minded and judgmental individuals.

You want to do what with what?!

Normally for a new submissive, that would be the first question on their mind and the first words out of their mouth when the words “Fire Play” are muttered into a negotiation of scene. However, most good well seasoned Dom’s won’t even attempt the fire play until they have either practiced considerably and know what they are doing and the safest way to do it. They key to learning to love this is knowing that safety is a priority and that you trust the one you are with!

There are several ways of playing with fire (no pun intended), the cupping method being one of them. Typically I like to use three parts of 90% alcohol with a one part of the lesser stuff (70%) giving just enough alcohol in the brew to be ignited, but not burn too hot. I have seen many ways in which this has been done, but I like to use a small spray bottle and spray 2 or 3 sprays in the cup and igniting it with a long candle lighter, blowing out the flame and then placing the cup over the bottoms skin.

The areas I enjoy using are breasts, thighs, buttocks and the back as well.

Once the flame is blown out the hot air as it cools, creates a vaccum sucking the skin up into the cup and holding fast to the flesh that it’s attached to. The larger the cup, the more surface area and the more surface area, the larger the pull. Most of which are not painful to the submissive but typically can easily create a bruise in the right areas. My favorite is drawing small pictures and sometimes finding unusual candle holder’s and shapes to create different types of bruises.

A more dangerous and edgier type of play with fire is utilizing a small wand and 70% alcohol in drawing lines and figures across an individuals back (and sometimes chest depending on the amount of body hair). Once the wand, tipped with guaze (it doesn’t burn nearly as fast as cotton) and doused in alcohol is drug over the skin and removed, another wand that is lit is tapped lightly to the skin. You get the “Lethal Weapon” approach to fire and fuel but the beauty of it is the visual affect of the skin that it floats over. Most of the time, the same path can be lit, doused, and relit to ‘heat’ the area several times over, but remember… watch your sub’s reaction. This process can heat up an area over and over again and if the skin is thin or sensitive to heat, you could do some major damage. So I beg of anyone who wishes to attempt this to do two things:

1. Get someone who is seasoned in this type of play and who you trust to give you a hands-on demonstration of what it feels like; and
2. Practice, practice, practice… on yourself!

I have played many times with fire, and watched some beautiful orchestrated scenes that incorporate fire that could have easily turned very dangerous had anyone in that part been uneducated and distracted from their situation.

The last and final way that I have seen fire play has been using flash cotton. Flash cotton is normally something that you can see magicians used for the ‘fire-in-the-hand-now-here-is-a-dove” type of trick. Made from a substance called nitrocellulose this is a much safer way to play with fire than the alcohol technique mentioned above, but at the same time, it goes up in a flash! Using smaller and thiner threads from the packages the lighter the heat, the thicker the fibers, the more intense. Starting out small is always a good idea so that you and your partner can get yourselves built up to a trust and more confident manner when playing with fire.

Please remember, this is NOT a technique that is to be taken lightly or done without being taught proper safety precautions and with a great deal of practice and trust.

To learn more about this or any other part of this BDSM Lifestyle, visit: www.ladyvelvetnoir.com

There are two styles of Bondage that are generally catagorized as either “Western” or “Eastern.”  I am fond of both, but find a great deal of artistic value in the Eastern or Shibari type of bondage.

History has documented that Shibari was more than likely produced for the purpose imprisonment due to the lack of formal prisons and the raw resource in metals in the 1400’s. This was identified as “kinbaku-bi” during the time period and still to this day hemp and jute rope are still carried in the police vehicles of today.

Kinbaku-bi is translated as “The Art of Erotic Rope Bondage” and has been photo documented as far back as the 1920’s.  Although those pieces are almost impossible to find, there has been a constant evolvement of the practice today.

Shibari is translated as the term “to tie” or “to bind”.

One of the main differences we see between Western and Kinbaku-bi bondage is that the submissive/bottom enjoys the torture or torment gained from the Kinbaku-bi style because of the pain/pleasure that is recieved from the rope on the genitals and breasts.  Instead of just imobilizing like Western bondage, the Shibari technique produces that fine line of pain and pleasure that most submissives seek.

Shibari is well known for it’s asymmetrical and asthetically pleasing site.  I personal am a very symetrical individual and I still enjoy the beauty and artistic value that Shibari rope bondage provides when a submissive is trussed up in hemp or jute rope.

Although the Western bondage providers have come up with more complex knots to use, Shibari, despite the complexity of it’s appearance, uses relative 4 to 5 different types of very simplistic knots.  Most placed in strategic points to give not only safety, but just the right amount of nerve stimulation to keep the submissive on their toes (no pun intended).

I have seen hundreds of yards of rope to just a few feet of it used in some of the most intricate and simplistic but very effective bondage scenes.  I personally have used rope under clothing as well as over clothing in certain environments to provide a highly aroused submissive with not only visual stimulation but mental as well.  A rubbing of a piece of rope in the right place can only keep a submissive in the mind set of who they are and where they belong.

I have participating in intense suspension hangings where I have watched  submissives float in complete freedom from the ‘real world’ and into their zone where they have remained for hours.  Each of these submissives varied highly in height, weight and in experience and each one of them, the tie was different and they all found themselves very much enlightened and a new lover of rope.

Remember though, that as some of my news articles have depicted, once you have someone in bondage, of ANY type, that leaving them alone for ANY duration is highly dangerous.

Some of us love rope, some of us find it a nusance but those that love it always find new ways of using it as an enticing and very beautiful way of stimulating the minds and bodies of those that allow us to use it.

To learn more about this lifestyle or to read more about Lady Velvet, visit: www.LadyVelvetNoir.com